Sobriety status: three months.
When I reread my early contributions here, there's so much whistling in the dark. I vividly remember how panic-fuelled I was when I started writing here. And how hopeful.
Fast forward to today. There're contradicting urges in me, I accepted that. It's sometimes a steady up & down, compulsion ON, compulsion OFF. I'm starting to learn not to be tempted or sad about it. There's a domineering fear to relapse in me, this fear tends to blow every little urge out of proportion, sometimes I'm not sure whether I'm confronted with compulsion or this fear. Anyway, for three months now I follow my little compass and I'm bloody fine.
Shrink, CBT-therapeut, meetings: all that is vital to me. But I owe everything I am today to this forum!
My life changed, I am very, very happy about it!