Past failures at staying dry are in any alkie's history. While they FEEL really bad at the time, I found this behavior (try to stop, find out the hard way I can't, hate myself for not being able to do what I thought I should be able to do..... repeat) to be, looking back at it, pretty darn selfish. Do I hate myself for not being able to jump 6 feet in the air? Does my self loathing kick in when I think about how I can't run 20miles per hour? Do I feel "less than" every time I realize I'm not the most important person on the entire planet? No..... because those expectations would be unreasonable. ......my problem was I didn't really KNOW I was an alcoholic and I didn't KNOW that the inability to stay stopped was part of the diagnosis.
What we've done in our past - including the failures in even our recent past - don't mean much of anything really IF we are taking actions now to prevent them from happening again. Nobody's going to fault you today for your past if you're healthy today.......growing today.......getting better today. What matters isn't what we did or how bad we feel about it but only what we're doing about it today.