These are from
https://www.todays-hope.com/todays-sharing.html
Today's Sharing from the Forum (family recovery magazine)
I Took A Risk
Just before going to sleep last night I started thinking horrible thoughts. I focused on my inability to find a job. Then I concentrated on being with my husband or not being with him. I criticized myself for being a failure at making friends. My loneliness led me to feel that I am not okay.
This morning the alarm woke me with a start and I crawled out of bed to go for an early morning run. While I was running in the early morning light I heard the first flock of geese heading south for the winter. Just when I started to feel good and I wanted to keep running, I remembered my agenda. I planned to eat right, take a shower, and meditate before sharing a long ride to our Al-Anon writing workshop. I filled my mind with dread about being with people for such a long drive. I imagined they might have all sorts of bad moods. I wondered if there was any point in attending another Al-Anon function while my life remained so unmanageable.
The women in the car turned out to be very considerate and chatty. I identified with almost everything they said, but I avoided talking because I have tendency not to listen. Eventually I admired their courage for speaking out and felt safe enough to join the conversations. I tried to be myself and share, which I did a little, but I really enjoyed listening, too.
Sometimes I wonder if it is healthier to Listen and Learn or to blurt out whatever is on my mind. Taking short timeouts to listen really helps me understand, but I also want to quit censoring myself. I would like experiencing so much doubt, hesitation, and fear. I would also like to learn how to be myself and appreciate others, without criticizing or feeling off balance.
By coming here today for an Al-Anon writing workshop, I took a risk. I got up early went for a run, ate right, made myself presentable, and prayed. Now I am writing my thoughts and feelings because I trust I have something worth saying, that I am a good person and I deserve to be happy. I would really like to just relax and be myself.
by Lisa M.