Originally Posted by
Auchieshuggle 
You sound like you basically had a very, very long party! I don't wish to trivialise your addiction or the suffering you experienced, but it sounds like you may have had days when you got stoned or took acid instead of consistently getting pissed.
I had the odd joint, but cannabis made me anxious. If I took a few blasts from a spliff when I was sober I would just panic and drink as much as I could, as quickly as I could to sedate myself.
I think mixing drugs is bad for the mind, but might actually give one's organs some respite, e.g. a few days getting stoned is less taxing on the liver than a two day bender.
With me it was twenty years of drink, day after day, with perhaps one day a week in which I lay shaking in my bed or perhaps had a couple of beers to take the edge of it.
I can sympathise with your predicament to a large extent. As I have previously stated I suffer from an anxiety condition, and without alcohol life can be trying as it is. With alcohol I get a few hours of respite followed by many more of absolute hell, though.
If you had children did you not take a break from alcohol, if that isn't a personal question?
We sound similar. I stopped smoking cannabis at 21 as it just gave me a panic attack and anxiety and I'd end up drinking loads of beers quickly to sedate myself too.
I also seem to have quite high general anxiety, which I used to medicate with drink. Then drink used to work for a few hours but it ultimately made my anxiety far worse.
Now, through regular exercise, eating well, meditation and working the steps, and by avoiding alcohol, I find life is enjoyable and my anxiety is much lower.