I've read some of your threads and can relate to you. I'm married to my second alkie. I had two kids with my first. I figured I was done cause I could never have a kid with another alkie. Well, I married another and wanted another kid so bad I didn't really think straight. He didn't want any, but we ended up with one anyway. He verbally and emotionally abused me before, after and during pregnancy. I had a beautiful boy, but he still drank and was irresponsible, inconsiderate, unreliable, etc. I really wanted number four so I pushed for that. He resisted and said he didn't want the first one and certainly didn't want another. Well, somehow it happened again and last March I had a beautiful baby girl. Nothing has changed. I was living in a fantasy world. It was unfair for me to bring these kids into this marriage cause he is an alkie, irresponsible, inconsiderate, and very selfish. I love my kids more than anything, but should have not brought them into this terrible situation. By the way, I am a great mom and they are well cared for, but their dad is a complete loser and I'm sure it will affect them as they grow. Anyway, I totally understand how you feel about wanting more kids and am not judging you in any way - just sharing how I feel now.