Seeing my sober eyes
I had another singing gig last night. It’s been kind of a long emotional journey with singing, I am an ok singer but not fantastic, so I don’t get the praise and buttering up that my alcoholic personality likes to get, and I was surprised to find my inner drama queen coming out to play a couple of times in the last few months even publicly with the band. Doesn’t sobriety fix that??? Not always, ha! My husband, quite used to seeing this side of me for 23 years, deftly handled and dismissed my behavior of course so I owned up and admitted I was causing drama.
Last night was a wild and raucous Halloween bar packed with costumed people. I dressed up like a v0odoo queen and everyone thought I looked like Stevie nicks with red hair which was awesome. There were scores of very hammered people hugging me and swaying and not making sense, fawning and forgetting what they were saying and just throwing down alcohol. None of that looked appealing at all. I don’t miss drinking at all. I drank water to keep my voice clear and was quite fine with it, I brought my mom and she was thrilled to see me costumed and singing, she just went on and on about how much fun she had.
Before this gig, I had a contact lens appointment for my eyes, because now that my reading vision is terrible as well as distance I wasn’t able to use contacts. I’m nearly always in glasses.
So she fitted me and I was finally able to see my face. I haven’t seen my face for a long time. I looked in the mirror for a long time, and my heart just opened. I could finally see the sobriety in my eyes.
My kids said “mom it looks weird to see you without glasses put them back on.”
I said, I don’t know kids....it feels good to see my sober eyes.”
Clear. Wide. No more sagging and swelling lids. Open, kind, honest eyes. I don’t know how to explain to you guys what it’s like to have a severe optical correction but sometimes it feels like you’re looking at a new world, but this was as if I was finally seeing the new me.
Take care and happy Sunday all. Stay sober. It’s all gonna be ok if you just put down the alcohol.