It is good you are recognising the demons yourself Charon.
Since your wife left, your messages suggest as much. I don't know what will make it work for you. Think about your daughter, perhaps? The hurt and pain you went through when you thought you could do nothing to bring her closer to you. The massive disappointment.
Obviously, if you decide to drink you will do so thinking it is not going to be like every other time before. It will be a one off and then you will 'behave' or whatever. We are all where we are because we thought we could control it. The whole addiction comes with this speech: You can do it now, just today. Today there is a reason for it: I am angry, I am alone, I am happy, I am getting provoked, life makes no sense anyway, I am going to die anyway, etc.
The only thing that works for me is this: the demon would not be there if you were not an addict. The demon inhabits your head because you have a very serious problem with alcohol and you cannot decide to make exceptions. It causes pain to you and to others and the MOST important thing: it is never worth it.
There is not one single time when you decide not to drink and then you feel you missed something. The feeling of missing out only happens before you drink. Once you haven't drunk it is obvious you didn't. So if you go on your trip and you don't drink, I bet you whatever you want to (it is a serious bet; willing to transfer money) that you will not look back to your trip with regret.
Depending on the company, you may decide the trip is not worth doing again.
Stay strong. I need you around here!!!
All the very best,