Five years ago, my codie recovery muscles were much more conditioned, I am seriously out of shape now. His family and I had been talking more recently and it felt like we were in agreement more recently, which was good because I could at least get a glimpse behind the curtain and was feeling like I was doing a good job co-parenting in an impossible situation. It's really hard to co-parent with an active addict whose parents are determined to hide his addiction from me, and who I have to hand my daughter to for days and nights with no information to assess. It felt like trying to remain cordial was fine. But now in hindsight it was "fine" because they thought I was in the "everything's fine" fold instead of the "we all acknowledge XAH's serious addiction" fold, which never existed.
I mean, it's all crazy. And I forgot just how crazy I feel when I'm close to it. I'm backpedaling hard now but my emotions have been so triggered by all of it and I need to go do wind sprints or something to get the nervous energy out of me.