Gingerpeach,
That is a lot to deal with right now. It sounds like you are safe from EXAH. You have taken alot of steps to make sure. Just keep on your gaurd like you have been all these years and you should be ok.
I'm sorry your feel like your making the same mistake with the EXABF. You are not making the same mistakes. Alcoholics are good about hiding their disease. All you did was meet a guy who seems pretty good and you wanted to get to know him better. If you were making the same mistakes he would not be your EX. You are smart and have learned your lesson from the EXAH and know your boundaries. There is a guy out their for you that will not be an alcoholic. Just be patient and keep your eyes open.
Have a great day and be strong.