A year and a half in, some reflections
A good friend of my parents had a stroke last week. She was a vibrant, healthy woman in her late 50s with two children in their 20s. Now she sits in a rehab center speechless, unable to feed herself, making only involuntary movements here and there.
A life irrevocably altered in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us - all that sort of stuff.
Last night I happen to be throwing some old junk away and came across a photo of myself in my early 20s, beer in hand with a couple friends at a bar. I was overcome with sadness for that person - knowing what suffering he was going to put himself and his loved ones through. I wished I could protect him, or reach out to him and tell him his wasted years didn't need to be that.
My son is now a teenager. He's sensitive, very bright, curious and everything about what I've endured at my own hands makes me so worried for him. I don't want him to have to go through the pain and the troubles that come with addiction. Of course I know I can't really effect his path, I can only be there for him which, now that I'm sober, I truly can be.
Life is this sweet, short, fragile thing and it's preciousness is only comparable to this difficulty we have with doing with life what is right. It took me a long time to get to where I am - wisdom is earned, not taught, not bought, but earned. Sobriety is everything. It's the only thing for people like us. It provides the gifts, the peace, space, time, strength and clarity for us to take care of the things we are here to take care of.
I'm grateful and sober af.