A year and a half in, some reflections
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
A year and a half in, some reflections
A good friend of my parents had a stroke last week. She was a vibrant, healthy woman in her late 50s with two children in their 20s. Now she sits in a rehab center speechless, unable to feed herself, making only involuntary movements here and there.
A life irrevocably altered in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us - all that sort of stuff.
Last night I happen to be throwing some old junk away and came across a photo of myself in my early 20s, beer in hand with a couple friends at a bar. I was overcome with sadness for that person - knowing what suffering he was going to put himself and his loved ones through. I wished I could protect him, or reach out to him and tell him his wasted years didn't need to be that.
My son is now a teenager. He's sensitive, very bright, curious and everything about what I've endured at my own hands makes me so worried for him. I don't want him to have to go through the pain and the troubles that come with addiction. Of course I know I can't really effect his path, I can only be there for him which, now that I'm sober, I truly can be.
Life is this sweet, short, fragile thing and it's preciousness is only comparable to this difficulty we have with doing with life what is right. It took me a long time to get to where I am - wisdom is earned, not taught, not bought, but earned. Sobriety is everything. It's the only thing for people like us. It provides the gifts, the peace, space, time, strength and clarity for us to take care of the things we are here to take care of.
I'm grateful and sober af.
A life irrevocably altered in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us - all that sort of stuff.
Last night I happen to be throwing some old junk away and came across a photo of myself in my early 20s, beer in hand with a couple friends at a bar. I was overcome with sadness for that person - knowing what suffering he was going to put himself and his loved ones through. I wished I could protect him, or reach out to him and tell him his wasted years didn't need to be that.
My son is now a teenager. He's sensitive, very bright, curious and everything about what I've endured at my own hands makes me so worried for him. I don't want him to have to go through the pain and the troubles that come with addiction. Of course I know I can't really effect his path, I can only be there for him which, now that I'm sober, I truly can be.
Life is this sweet, short, fragile thing and it's preciousness is only comparable to this difficulty we have with doing with life what is right. It took me a long time to get to where I am - wisdom is earned, not taught, not bought, but earned. Sobriety is everything. It's the only thing for people like us. It provides the gifts, the peace, space, time, strength and clarity for us to take care of the things we are here to take care of.
I'm grateful and sober af.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Congrats on the 1.5 years - I have two teenage boys and I'm so glad I stopped drinking before they were faced with the difficult choices around substance abuse. Here's hoping we're good role models and can save them from a tiny bit of what we went through.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Congratulations! Fantastic post.
Thank you for mentioning your child, I relate to that too.
Wine is given to children so young here in Italy. I remember my nieces 8th birthday when both she and her younger brother (about 5) were given a small glass of prosecco to celebrate. The younger brother started saying "I feel funny, what is happening?" and all of the adults were laughing. I was horrified.
ALL of my children's Italian relatives have been given explicit instructions to NEVER give my children alcohol. Not their father, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, no one. I pray with all the might I can that they will never touch alcohol but I know the day will come that they are curious or want to fit in or whatever.
The best thing we can do is be good examples.
And you LG are doing just that. Amazing.
Thank you for mentioning your child, I relate to that too.
Wine is given to children so young here in Italy. I remember my nieces 8th birthday when both she and her younger brother (about 5) were given a small glass of prosecco to celebrate. The younger brother started saying "I feel funny, what is happening?" and all of the adults were laughing. I was horrified.
ALL of my children's Italian relatives have been given explicit instructions to NEVER give my children alcohol. Not their father, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, no one. I pray with all the might I can that they will never touch alcohol but I know the day will come that they are curious or want to fit in or whatever.
The best thing we can do is be good examples.
And you LG are doing just that. Amazing.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,964
Thank you for your post. I have a soon to be teenager. I’m so glad I stopped when I did. We are the lucky ones. Yes, sobriety is everything. Sobriety is my religion and whole way of life!
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
it is not the wine I knew it was never alcohol both my sisters could drink I said could because one is dead. I t is not the alcohol it is my relationship with it, I know children should not be exposed to this toxic but to be real it has never been alcohol.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,150
My kids were my main reason for quitting. They were 13 and 9 at the time. Never said that they can really remember me drinking, which is a relief. Hopefully, I am setting an example for them to follow in their later teenage years.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Another sober evening with my son and it almost takes my breath away to think of the days I spent in a drunken stupor with him. I don't dwell on it though. I try to do the right thing, best I can, with what I have now. In the last year and a half, he's already grown to trust me like he should be able to. I do not take that for granted.
I think for those of us drunks who are parents, we can have both the most tragic impact on those around us with our drinking, and yet we also have the most precious leverage to push us to get sober. The pain we cause can sometimes cause us to get stuck, the regret can drive us back to the drink. But then we can also come to finally embrace our obligations and responsibilities to our children and put away the drink for them, for good.
I think for those of us drunks who are parents, we can have both the most tragic impact on those around us with our drinking, and yet we also have the most precious leverage to push us to get sober. The pain we cause can sometimes cause us to get stuck, the regret can drive us back to the drink. But then we can also come to finally embrace our obligations and responsibilities to our children and put away the drink for them, for good.
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