hmmmm, I'm double-checking on the feelings thing now. While drinking insulated me from feelings, sufficient quantities in sufficient duration perversely resulted in despair. Over the past I-don't-know-how-long, I've come to recognize with some degree of detachment but acceptance (if that makes sense) that I honestly didn't know how to navigate this world as my authentic self; and that's what I was avoiding. I mean, I've said that before but I didn't accept it in a non-judgmental way. I was always told and felt that was pitiful or a cop-out or attention-seeking. Perhaps it was all of those things at times, but that doesn't detract from the reality. I just needed to identify the right people to trust to help me to figure it all out. Better late than never, right?
Cos, as our dear birthday girl would say, "keepa go." You're definitely no joke and I'm glad that you are committed to moving along undeterred. Do that until/unless it feels like it's not really you.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Aellyce. I'm feeling pretty ok about things today. I've made some really good moves this week and I'm proud of myself.
Getting to "manageable" is a nice place to be.