Hi O and everyone. Haven't posted for a while but I read periodically, especially this thread, still.
This time, the discussion about rightness drew me in... I am also someone who likes to be right, to represent the truth - only that, I never really believe there is a single truth, for most things. At the same time, I tend to be the most avid fan of reading any and every "theory of everything", where someone attempts to come up with a relatively simple and elegant solution to a problem, or a multitude of problems... this is also why I love some aspects of math and physics. But it is rarely the case in biology (my science) and just everyday human life.
Also, I am always intrigued by the abundant reports describing that more people than not report drowning feelings in alcohol, using alcohol in that way, to numb out. For me, it was the opposite! Each time I drank excessively, I would experience a myriad of emotions that I otherwise don't. In part, I think it became addictive, because I actually enjoyed the extreme emotional highs and lows and everything in between while intoxicated... alcohol definitely did not numb me, more opened up access to emotions and distorted their value and my evaluation of that value. I liked that while it was only that and no physical and other consequences but, as we all know, the "no consequences" soon took over.
I've never enjoyed being super emotional sober though (before and after alcoholism), never experienced some of those things others report "finally I can feel". Some might say I am chronically out of touch from my emotions... and I've definitely been described that way lots, throughout my life. I actually don't think I am out of touch of my feelings at all. It's more that my orientation to experiencing them is more investigative rather than reactive. Just like all these messages on a forum like this - we really most often talk about emotional matters... but rarely act them out in our shared environment, on each-other. But share, analyze and discuss these things to no end. This is what I mean by investigative vs. reactive.
I also wanted to comment on something I read on this thread a while ago, and cannot recall accurately how it was framed... something about life being unmanageable and several members here saying they feel that way even sober, often due to past whatever experiences. Well... O, based on whatever you write on these threads, it seems like you are managing life extremely well when you are not drinking. Those last few words are the key.