Yes joy57 that internal struggle is usually the thing that makes me relapse. I think it's tied up with pride and complacency. As fairly well self-controlled sober people, it's sometimes baffling how out of control just one drink can make us. But I think it's just reality for some of us and there's no out smarting it. That's how it is for me anyway, I start feeling better, forget how horrible it was and think I can conquer the world!
I think I have to work on my long term thinking about being able to beat it, when I know I can't. And at the end of the day, it's a poisoness, distorted way of living I don't really want anyway.