Dee great I love 'beat 60'. I'm actually in a 100 day challenge through Annie Grace, and all was in tact and I was strong and committed. Then Rome happened. The drink with dinner. Turned on that part of the brain that wanted more more more.... If I could have just not had the first drink... After all these years I still think I can handle it.
I have confided in a good friend about what happened. My friend in a nutshell said, well you were in control the majority of the trip. You are just going through a change with your son moving out to college. Figure your life out and then see where alcohol fits in..
That thought seems appealing because my AV is like oh so there is still a chance you can feed me. My sober desire says that isn't going to work. I'm stuck in my internal battle still after all these years contemplating. For me it's torture to drink and it's torture to be sober. Until I commit to either side this torture lives.