It sounds like he has done many toxic things to you, both in word and deed nh.
Maybe counseling would help, but sometimes things just can't be fixed.
Now that you are sober, you will not be able to "un-see" or numb out his treatment of you.
It is brave and honest to acknowledge you don't love someone. For love to grow, I think kindness and respect are essential. He isn't demonstrating that from what I can see. You can't grow roses in a sandy desert--you need rich soil, water, and attention.
Do you feel like you are getting that?
I think you deserve someone who will love you back just as much as he does.