Don't ask for the thread to be closed!
It is eye opening. Just before I quit drinking (83 days ago) I had told my husband I wanted a divorce. Of course, I wanted it immediately, like everything else. Of course we spent hours of dramatic conversation deciding not to divorce after all. He did not know I was drinking. But I did and it made me question my judgment on everything. Was it me at fault? Was it me escalating everything unreasonably? Was his behaviour abusive?
I know that I have not been sober long enough, but I have clarity of mind. With clarity of mind comes the certainty that it was never only my fault. His behaviour has deserved divorce papers a few times. It makes me so angry that I was never in a state of reacting properly when I should have. I have my own resentments and they seem to be growing without alcohol.
Grungehead's post is brilliant (thanks!) and probably 100% right. If I don't deal with the resentment and let it grow further, I will hit the bottle as the default 'not to deal with something' mechanism. I have given myself a year. If I cannot let go of the resentment, find solutions around it, I will part ways. Until then, I will make sure I don't doubt my most basic reasoning ever again by intoxication