Originally Posted by
Primativo 
I did go back to occasional drinking after four and a half months sober in 2018, and it was still as crap as ever. I regretted every time I drank and have to say the whole drinking thing is overrated anyway. What exactly were we drinking for? It's like you are chasing something you can never quite reach. The extremely short lived buzz is overshadowed by much much longer come downs. It's pointless having one drink, I want and need a dozen. No thanks, not anymore. I choose nothing.
You've nailed the essence of addiction and why we finally get into recovery. You nailed it with precision too. I understand. Never were the words, "Been there. Done that, " more appropriate for me.
Like you, I often wonder why it took me so long to grasp these simple fundamentals, but when you do finally internalize them, and accept them on faith as absolutes, you are on your way to a better life. I hit my 90 days 24 years ago, and never flinched or faltered since, and the strange thing is that it's still getting better. How can that be? Doesn't this recovery thing ever just end and become complete? No, it keeps going on, but changes. It's no longer a struggle. It hasn't been that for years, but it goes on, always getting a little more satisfying every year. You'll see!