90 days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
90 days
So this is the second longest stint I've had in sobriety since I decided to call it a day with alcohol in May 2018.
I did go back to occasional drinking after four and a half months sober in 2018, and it was still as crap as ever. I regretted every time I drank and have to say the whole drinking thing is overrated anyway. What exactly were we drinking for? It's like you are chasing something you can never quite reach. The extremely short lived buzz is overshadowed by much much longer come downs. It's pointless having one drink, I want and need a dozen. No thanks, not anymore. I choose nothing.
I've actually found these 3 months challenging, not from a not drinking perspective actually, but my mental health has been up and down. Not sure why, maybe a bit of the unknown on the horizon what with an impending career change is causing me some slight stress which is manifesting in a bit of anxiety etc
That said, it's all relative and a bit of low mood and anxiety needs to be kept in perspective, this is just part of life. We have up and down days, but what I've learnt is, you can get through them without drinking. I never used to think I could, I needed drink inside me pretty much all the time, but now I learn to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and work through them and the shouting from my AV to have a drink when I feel rough has quietened down to a whisper now if anything at all.
It definitely got a lot easier after about the 8 - 10 week mark. I don't feel the pull of alcohol anymore. It's a very liberating feeling. What I do feel though, is the pain and memories of how awful withdrawals are. It's really important to never forget waking up at 5am with the dread, fear, panic and doom weighing down on you as you lay in a cold sweat, heart beating too fast, craving to have another drink to stop the withdrawals even though deep down you know you really don't want to drink today but you know you have to because you can't survive the day otherwise. It's all waiting for us again if we have one drink.
I'm going to start working 12 steps with my chosen sponsor. I'm interested to see if this may enhance my sobriety. I don't feel I need to do it right now, but at the same time, I don't really see any downsides to doing it, at worst I stay the same, at best it makes the possibility of relapse even more remote. I think I do still need spiritual healing and to find true serenity anyway and I am told this can be the answer.
I did go back to occasional drinking after four and a half months sober in 2018, and it was still as crap as ever. I regretted every time I drank and have to say the whole drinking thing is overrated anyway. What exactly were we drinking for? It's like you are chasing something you can never quite reach. The extremely short lived buzz is overshadowed by much much longer come downs. It's pointless having one drink, I want and need a dozen. No thanks, not anymore. I choose nothing.
I've actually found these 3 months challenging, not from a not drinking perspective actually, but my mental health has been up and down. Not sure why, maybe a bit of the unknown on the horizon what with an impending career change is causing me some slight stress which is manifesting in a bit of anxiety etc
That said, it's all relative and a bit of low mood and anxiety needs to be kept in perspective, this is just part of life. We have up and down days, but what I've learnt is, you can get through them without drinking. I never used to think I could, I needed drink inside me pretty much all the time, but now I learn to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and work through them and the shouting from my AV to have a drink when I feel rough has quietened down to a whisper now if anything at all.
It definitely got a lot easier after about the 8 - 10 week mark. I don't feel the pull of alcohol anymore. It's a very liberating feeling. What I do feel though, is the pain and memories of how awful withdrawals are. It's really important to never forget waking up at 5am with the dread, fear, panic and doom weighing down on you as you lay in a cold sweat, heart beating too fast, craving to have another drink to stop the withdrawals even though deep down you know you really don't want to drink today but you know you have to because you can't survive the day otherwise. It's all waiting for us again if we have one drink.
I'm going to start working 12 steps with my chosen sponsor. I'm interested to see if this may enhance my sobriety. I don't feel I need to do it right now, but at the same time, I don't really see any downsides to doing it, at worst I stay the same, at best it makes the possibility of relapse even more remote. I think I do still need spiritual healing and to find true serenity anyway and I am told this can be the answer.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Congrats on your 90. Yeah I feel ya. Booze is over rated . I mean now at 136 days I feel what is to gain from boozing ? In my case squat .what get boozed and get myself sick all over again. Withdrawals suck big time. No thanks. ✌
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
My anxiety thing was/is brain damage from boozing.
It has stabilized nicely, but I can feel it lurking. One horrid relapse and it would fester and inflame. I would be in crazy town again.
Never again.
Thanks.
It has stabilized nicely, but I can feel it lurking. One horrid relapse and it would fester and inflame. I would be in crazy town again.
Never again.
Thanks.
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
Congrats on 90 days! I just passed that milestone as well. I experienced cravings pretty much all through my first two months, and my third month was lots of depression, mood swings, and extreme fatigue. I seem to have come out the other side of it for the time being.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Great job! And it's great that you are choosing to add another element to your program. I have found that when I didn't think I "needed" to add something was the perfect time to do just that. Keep going.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 141
Great job on 90 days Primativo! I’m just behind you at 79 days, never thinking I’d ever see the light and clarity of almost three months sobriety. Such an amazing gift to protect. It feels like the withdrawals/ brain fog is finally just really lifting, and I really appreciate your viewpoint and the reminders. That 3/4/5 am ritual was freaking awful, and I never ever want to go back to that (perfectly described, btw) horrible place again. Mentally I’m pretty much where you are atm. Look forward to reading more of your posts in the future!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by Primativo 
...
I'm going to start working 12 steps with my chosen sponsor. I'm interested to see if this may enhance my sobriety. I don't feel I need to do it right now, but at the same time, I don't really see any downsides to doing it, at worst I stay the same, at best it makes the possibility of relapse even more remote. I think I do still need spiritual healing and to find true serenity anyway and I am told this can be the answer.
I'm going to start working 12 steps with my chosen sponsor. I'm interested to see if this may enhance my sobriety. I don't feel I need to do it right now, but at the same time, I don't really see any downsides to doing it, at worst I stay the same, at best it makes the possibility of relapse even more remote. I think I do still need spiritual healing and to find true serenity anyway and I am told this can be the answer.
Now with alcohol out of the way, we have a chance at life. Now you, and me, get to be like everybody else in the non-alcoholic world: find ways to deal with life's ups and downs. Without working on a new life, some people still don't drink but they are miserable (dry drunks) or they find another addiction.
You really nailed the downsides of drinking. Now Steps and a good sponsor sounds like a great plan for starting to make the most of the upside of not drinking.
Good job on 90 days!
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