Yeah, trauma. Blah. So tired of all of it.
Well the ongoing parent drama. We (my brothers less the one that lives there...apparently he was too busy trimming his nails or something) had a call last night and it appears, again, we are all on the same page to move them into a home. The room we want for them is now available, everyone has gone through their own individual shock about having to put both in memory care, so hopefully we are actually going to move forward. Jesus. This could be 'over' soon...end of October. Over in the sense that they will be safe and cared for by professionals.
Awkward moments as conference began. Brother that was scary to me as a child was on the line, just the 2 of us. We don't talk. Of course, we don't talk about not talking so we have to pretend we don't hate each other. So I'm making small talk, which he is a known hater of, but ya know its what humans do. I asked him about his daughter, who is a doll, and he says , with zero emotion, I don't know how she is I haven't talked to her in 3 years. Well, no surprise there really but really? That poor girl. I remember years ago, on a hell like family trip to Hawaii, she asked me 'tell me something about my dad. Anything. I just don't know him at all'. And I'm thinking, while feeling very sorry for her because I know exactly how she feels, well he's a sociopath. But all I could say was, I don't know. The only thing I know about my dad is he's a crazy alcoholic. And he was born back east so I have basic facts about his childhood. Like his birthday. Anyway, the guy is nuts. He didn't ask me about my daughter, not surprising, but weird. I remember when he met her, when she was like 8, he introduced himself and shook her hand. Yeah. Gonna give her your business card ya freak? She was like, yikes Mom that guy is scary. Tell me about it. Ugh. On the outside, it was fine, but internally, ugh. But that's the deal. On the outside everything is fine, but on the inside my family is rotten. I think I'm rotten too. Especially in 'relation' with them.
I can't wait for the day that I never have to interface with any of them again. And the fact that I even call connecting with them 'interfacing' is very telling. They are my brothers...and I interface with them. Jesus.
And 'this' all ending means my parents are dead. And wishing your parents dead is crazy. I don't wish them dead. I just want it all to be over. I want to never be connected with anything that bears my maiden name.
Yikes. Sorry for all that. So sometime in October I'll be heading back to Cali....going back to Cali Cali Cali....haha. Remember LL Cool J? Anyway, yeah. My theme song. Then some day I'll never have to go again. If there was a God this would have already happened.
Blahhhhhhh.
Have a good day. Sorry about the rant.