Originally Posted by Rose335

Pippin - you've started a fascinating thread and it's been really interesting to read your thoughts and the responses of others. I haven't much to bring to the party. I'm only 3 months sober (this time) and the only difference between now and my other attempts at sobriety is that now I've realised that the way I drank didn't provide me with anything worth having, emotionally, intellectually, financially or socially and it certainly never 'solved' anything for me. Not even comfortably numb! Although I didn't necessarily realise any of that at the time.

When I was drinking I so much looked forward to that cold glass of wine at the end of the day (every day). I really felt I deserved it, was entitled to it and that I needed it to relax. And in fact that first glass was wonderful. And it always, always, always led to a bottle, at least. And that wasn't at all wonderful. Anything but. Night after night of broken sleep and morning after morning of remorse, self- hatred and feeling so rough.

I think, for me, the problem was and is that drinking seemed to offer so much and it seemed laughable (usually by mid afternoon each day) to believe that I wasn't capable of simply drinking a single glass if I bought a bottle of wine. Even though that never, ever happened. Not once. So I kept on buying and drinking the bottles.

So that's me. I can't drink single glasses, only bottles. And whatever the promise of that first drink, I never ever end up feeling good or better or happy.

You've gone 8 months without any alcohol. That's envy making and I would love to be saying that and hopefully I will sometime next year. It doesn't even sound like you are struggling more that you're feeling regretful for something you've left behind. My feeling is that if you feel drinking really gave you more than not drinking then I suspect it's game over when you get to year one. But because you've achieved so much I'd give that question really careful thought.

Thank you for posting. It was helpful for me to consider your perspective and to be prompted do a bit of analysis as to why I feel so fervently that I can't let alcohol back in my life.