DriGuy

There's a lot in this one paragraph to process, but here are what I have come to accept as facts. Friends who encourage you to drink, are not usually alcoholics. They don't have a clue what it's like to be in recovery. They love you and are sincerely well meaning, but they don't understand your current struggle. Although, some of them may be alcoholics and fear losing you to the light. Part of the problem is they tell you what you want to hear. They describe a non-existent reality where you can drink like a normal person, which is something you desperately want but are not willing to come to terms with.

You want to be normal. What's normal? We don't all have the same physical make up. I can no sooner drink rationally than I could play basketball for the NBA. I don't consider my inability to play forward for the Chicago Bulls something to whine about. I'm not built that way, so I get on with my life. I can't drink normally, either, but like my inability to play professional basketball, I don't consider either one of those as necessary for my happiness.

OMG! and Ouch. The person you love doesn't even get it. You can't have that glass. Don't take advice from normies. Bless their hearts, they can be ignorant beyond belief. They are not dealing with facts. She pictures a romantic candlelight dinner with wine. Both of you have to come to terms with reality, even though the fantasy is more appealing. You can't make her grow out of that, but you can grow out of it yourself. Maybe someday she will understand... or not.

This should be in a primer: "Introduction to Relapse 101." That's is the way a relapse starts. Either that or someone consciously decides the day before he's going to wreck his life to punish himself.

You've been sober of 9 months. The last thing you feel like is an alcoholic. You have begun recovery and are feeling what it's like to be normal. In fact, you are normal when you aren't drinking, so it seems totally logical you should be able to drink normally. However, that notion is a logical fallacy. It's a contradiction between what you want and the reality of who you are.

So you decide to test yourself. You have one drink, and you still feel normal. Victory!!! If you can have one, why not two? Two and you're still OK. Hurray again! Just where is the point when you lose control? One, two, five?

Here's what I think. You didn't screw it up at three or five. You didn't screw it up after one. You screwed it up before you took the first sip. In fact, it happened years before you took that first sip. You failed to internalize the most fundamental fact about alcoholism; Alcoholics, no matter how they get to be that way, can't drink normally.

Don't feel bad. We all went through the same denial. Alcoholism/Denial is a commonly referred to pair. It's usually thought of as 'denial to others' as in lying to them and telling them you are fine. But it's most sinister quality is that it is what all of us have done to ourselves before we quit. We failed to face reality and internalize the knowledge of our past experience with how we drink. We failed to understand the most important fact we need to accept. We can't and never will drink normally.

And the sooner you come to terms with that fact the better, because with time, quitting only gets harder. And that is another fact, but this time from "Introduction to Relapse 102," or the second chapter of "Alcoholism for Dummies."