Abstaining for extended periods of time-even a year or more-was relatively easy for me too.
But abstinence and moderation are two totally different things. That’s the hard truth. Like a former smoker or drug addict, we have permanently rewired our brains/ dopamine receptors so that even a little of the previously abused substance triggers us unpredictably. We may stop at one drink one time at first, but the cravings are set in motion again and relapse creeps up once the door is reopened.
No, I didn’t like hearing that either. The good news is sobriety is really a gift and pleasure once you get though the mental tantrum of “it isn’t fair”.
Now you couldn’t pay me to drink. Life has become full and real now that I don’t escape inside a bottle.
Before I quit, I couldn’t imagine a fun life with friends and in general without alcohol. Life looked bleak and I also wondered how to handle people around me drinking and encouraging me to drink. Now I don’t care and honestly they don’t care nearly as much as I thought they would—Unless they also have a Problem and my abstinence threatens them somehow. Those folks I ignore kindly.
Family does get worn out with relapse and nasty verbal abuse on a binge. I did exactly the same as you and my spouse also drew a line and like you I wasn’t sure if it was already too late. You are playing for big stakes. Your wife is right—Children are harmed by growing up with one or more alcoholic drinkers in the home. My mom was a binge drinker. Guess how I learned how to deal with problems while growing up in an often unpredictable and scary home?