It sounds like you know what the problem is, what you can't do, and what you need to do. The next step is to commit yourself to not drinking, and you've done that for periods of time, so you know you can get that part of the solution right, although not permanently, and I think that's why you are having problems. For an alcoholic, not drinking doesn't count when it's something you do for a week or a month. It has to be for good. That is forever, as in never.
I know how absolutely horrible this must sound to you because you want to be like a normal person, and never drinking sounds like a life sentence. There's got to be a better way, right? Can't I have just a couple of drinks, maybe once every 5 years or so, just to recapture that old feeling? Well, you know from experience that what you will recapture is loss of control and remorse, so you should realize that never drinking again is your only way out of this mess.
You articulate your limitations quite clearly. Reading your post I found myself asking, "Knowing the problem as well as he does, why doesn't this guy just quit?" Bill Wilson talks about the trials and tribulations of alcoholics in the futile search to find an easier softer way to do something about their drinking. He makes it sound like such a way doesn't exist. But in fact there is an easier softer way, and I found it. It's life long abstinence, and all you have to to is accept it. Think of it as a gift.
Once you are committed to life long abstinence, the perception that it requires a sacrifice changes. And the knowledge that I don't ever have to drink again is a wonderful relief that I never saw coming before I actually quit. I'm now celebrating 24 years sober, and it's wonderful. Sacrifice? What's the sacrifice? Nothing was lost. It's all a gain.