My isolation was similar to yours – the more isolated I got, the more I would fantasise and slip into a kind of terrified state of separation from people. You don’t have to feel like that again – and if you do, you will be surprised how easy it is to get out of it.
Your honest post sounded to me like someone who has either thrown the towel in on drinking, or has got the towel in their hand. My life accelerated toward the positive when I realised that drinking was not, nor ever would, be an answer to my problems. And then came the desire to stay quit. This desire comes and goes, so if its not there now, hold on it might come soon!
I attended AA for about two years, and then I left due to personal reason. I am glad I went through the process and I am – give or take – happy and have a sense of authenticity. AA works for a lot of people. There are many ways to get sober; people all over the world are living (and I mean LIVING) without booze – so its not impossible.
I admired your post, because it reminded me of the time I was beginning to wake up to the reality of my life…