I relate. What do you get when you get a very depressed drunk person (me) off the booze? A sober, very depressed person. My depression- plus the whole cartload of mental stuff needs my attention- probably for life. Being sober does not make me a whole or happy person, there is no magical reward in the 'real' world. I have to work hard every day- with a GP, counsellor, meetings- SR, whatever it takes- but I have to work on getting me healing and growing...my prayers and support to you.