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One year

Old 08-31-2019, 10:38 PM
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One year

<div style="text-align:left;">Hi everyone,<br />this is my second time. I will be one year in less than two weeks. I hate being sober, at least right now and this afternoon. I’m scared.... I feel alone and anxious all the time. I literally have lost the ability to sleep. My mind is racing at night, yet it’s the only time I feel at peace. I have no desire to walk that path again, but I miss it. ‘It’ helped me sleep... “It” helped me feel normal..... “It” kept me thin..... “It” was my medication for everything and now it’s gone. My husband doesn’t understand. I don’t think he gets it. I think he thinks I was just a binge drinker. In reality I was downing up to eight pints a night... or two bottles of wine... or the equivalent thereof. I was getting sick. I would throw up and gag on my first drink of the day. My kids were scared and felt neglected. That was ‘it.” One night, I scared them so much.... it was my rock bottom. No prison, no divorce, no police knocking on the window of my car. Just the innocent faces of my victims (my children.” If any of you have felt this, please share. Maybe I just need to talk to someone who understands. I had this novel thought that the one year mark would be glorious. I was deeply mistaken. </div>

Last edited by Viacristo; 08-31-2019 at 10:40 PM. Reason: Grammar
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Old 08-31-2019, 11:19 PM
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Hi and welcome Viacristo

I deleted your second thread - you can edit up to 15 mins but there's no facility for ordinary members to remove posts here.

Congrats on the year.

My first year was about not drinking; my second year was finding out how to be happy and content with that.

I had to work hard to build a sober life I loved - missing the drink is just too dangerous for drinkers like us.

I had to find healthy and positive ways to do the things I wanted drinking to do for me - stress relief, boredom, good sleep habits, social skills - th answers are all out there

D
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Old 09-01-2019, 01:13 AM
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I relate. What do you get when you get a very depressed drunk person (me) off the booze? A sober, very depressed person. My depression- plus the whole cartload of mental stuff needs my attention- probably for life. Being sober does not make me a whole or happy person, there is no magical reward in the 'real' world. I have to work hard every day- with a GP, counsellor, meetings- SR, whatever it takes- but I have to work on getting me healing and growing...my prayers and support to you.
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Old 09-01-2019, 09:19 AM
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PhoenixJ brought up the point I was going to bring up. Sobriety isn't the cause of your unhappiness...you didn't sound happy--really happy--drinking. And sobriety alone might not make you happy, but it's the foundation upon which you can build a happy life.
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Old 09-01-2019, 09:33 AM
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My unhappiness, when I am not drinking, is my untreated alcoholism.

I treat my alcoholism with alcohol (drinking) and when you take that away (my security blanket) I am left with a shell of a person. If the only thing I do to treat it is not drink, then I am headed for a sad life.

I have to do some work on me so I change when I am sober. I do this with the 12 steps of AA and I am mostly happy these days. I didn't get sober to have a sad life. How much work on you are you willing to do today?

Sending love and hugs to you
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Old 09-01-2019, 05:40 PM
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I too struggled thru my first year at one time....I read you said it helps you sleep...it helps you get to sleep..but if you read on the internet...it really is not good for your overall sleep.

It sounds like you feel a lot of pressure coming from somewhere....or just pure anxiety...I wonder if you see a psychiatriast for the anxiety? Possibly they would have something to take this edge off....and get you some sleep and possibly keep your sobriety.
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