Iroha, glad you registered and hope you continue posting. Thanks for sharing your story. As you can see we can relate. If you ever are able to make an AA meeting you'll find the same thing, they've been there and understand.
I am 40 and live at home. At first it was because of my drinking. I couldn't keep a roof over my kids heads. My daughter went to live with her dad because she couldn't stand to live with me in my disease any longer. My son didn't have that option as he has no relationship with his dad so he was stuck with me. I still live with Mom today but it's different. I do it for companionship for her and I (she is like my best friend) and from a financial aspect to help her out as well as myself. Now that I am sober I could go out and get a place for my son and I but Mom would be by herself and she struggles as it is so she is happy to have us there.
I did the whole isolation thing when drinking too so I can relate to you there. Where you get plastered 3/4 nights a week, I did it for 7.
I can relate to the food thing too. I struggled with my weight my entire life. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2000 to lose weight because my health was going down the toilet. I rarely drank before that. I started really drinking (a big no-no with that surgery) in late 2000 and by 2001 I was an alcoholic. I drank like that until August 8 of 2004. I turned to alcohol because I was no longer able to stuff my feelings with food. I have since learned that up to 25% of people who have weight loss surgery end up switching addictions if they do not deal with what is causing that empty feeling in the first place.
I didn't think AA was for me either. I had to hit my lowest point before I decided to take a chance with it. I sat in meetings for 30 days, continuing to drink at night but listening to them share, getting to know them and seeing what their lives were like sober. I finally decided it was time to sh*t or get off the pot so to speak so I dove in, picked up my last desire chip 8/8/04 and have been going ever since. When I first got there I was scared to open my mouth, to let others in but I sat and watched them and listened. I heard my story told over and over again.
Today I am the speaker rep for our group and tomorrow night I'll be telling my story for the first time. I'm very nervous about it as I don't feel I have that much to tell but I'll turn it over to my HP who I choose to call God and let Him lead me as far as what I will say.
It is hard as hell to admit defeat and to actually do something about our disease but there is help out there if we will accept it and a whole network of people whether live in AA groups or online at places like SR who understand and want to help.
You've made a great first step. I hope you'll continue to post here.
Hugs,
Kellye