Healingbegins. First let me tell you that you are not crazy, you were manipulated by him for a long time. Alcoholics are good at just giving you enough information to keep you around. My AW was the same way. She is getting help and realizes that she has a problem. She has a long way to go and I'm there for her. But it is her Journey and I can't control it.
Read the literature and if possible go to an al-anon meeting. all this has helped me understand and get some comfort. You have to help yourself and your children. They are what comes first.