Can't drink, can't not.
I remember feeling like that - but it wasn't true.
I put a lot of time and energy into my drinking - I had to put more time and energy into not drinking.
your addiction will tell you that sounds onerous or beyond you, but it's not....you've done it before.
Get sober again - clear your mind of pollutants - and then you can start working on how to stay sober?
D