Trying to get sober once more
Hello all,
I'm Rkscar. I've been a heavy weekend drinker (like one 750 ml bottle of liquor per night) and the occasional heavy everyday drinker for about 8-9 years. I started drinking when I was about 15 years old with my friends but at that time it was once or twice a month or so and was not a big deal in my mind. When I turned 21 I would party with my roommates every weekend and still did not think it was a big deal. I started drinking nightly and heavily around the age of 23.
I never considered myself an addict at that time because I was still highly functioning, not drinking in the morning and could hold down a job and relationships. But I felt sick all of the time, was gaining weight rapidly, my romantic relationship was in turmoil and I was not able to save money because I kept spending it all on booze. I stopped drinking nightly and moved it to only on the weekends about 3 years ago.
I have had stints of being sober for about 4-5 months and then I would tell myself "it's okay I can do this in moderation" and that maybe works for a few days and then I'm back into my drunken ways.
I spent all day today sleeping off another hangover and I have been telling myself for the last couple of months that I am done. I will pour out the bottles and make promises to my partner and friends that I will get sober and not drink again. But as soon as the next weekend hits I find a reason to pick up another bottle. A lot of bad things have happened lately and my addict brain makes the excuse to drink because "I deserve this right now".
But the addict brain doesn't remind me of how my intoxication effects others, how it makes me post and say stupid stuff on social media and in texts to loved ones that I have to delete or apologize for the next morning, how it is has made me gain about 120+ pounds over the years, how it effects my mental and physical health in a very negative way and how the hangovers are debilitating and last up to 3 days now.
I want to get sober. Drinking is not fun anymore and has not been for a while. I want to feel better and be happier again.