Trying to get sober once more
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 3
Trying to get sober once more
Hello all,
I'm Rkscar. I've been a heavy weekend drinker (like one 750 ml bottle of liquor per night) and the occasional heavy everyday drinker for about 8-9 years. I started drinking when I was about 15 years old with my friends but at that time it was once or twice a month or so and was not a big deal in my mind. When I turned 21 I would party with my roommates every weekend and still did not think it was a big deal. I started drinking nightly and heavily around the age of 23.
I never considered myself an addict at that time because I was still highly functioning, not drinking in the morning and could hold down a job and relationships. But I felt sick all of the time, was gaining weight rapidly, my romantic relationship was in turmoil and I was not able to save money because I kept spending it all on booze. I stopped drinking nightly and moved it to only on the weekends about 3 years ago.
I have had stints of being sober for about 4-5 months and then I would tell myself "it's okay I can do this in moderation" and that maybe works for a few days and then I'm back into my drunken ways.
I spent all day today sleeping off another hangover and I have been telling myself for the last couple of months that I am done. I will pour out the bottles and make promises to my partner and friends that I will get sober and not drink again. But as soon as the next weekend hits I find a reason to pick up another bottle. A lot of bad things have happened lately and my addict brain makes the excuse to drink because "I deserve this right now".
But the addict brain doesn't remind me of how my intoxication effects others, how it makes me post and say stupid stuff on social media and in texts to loved ones that I have to delete or apologize for the next morning, how it is has made me gain about 120+ pounds over the years, how it effects my mental and physical health in a very negative way and how the hangovers are debilitating and last up to 3 days now.
I want to get sober. Drinking is not fun anymore and has not been for a while. I want to feel better and be happier again.
I'm Rkscar. I've been a heavy weekend drinker (like one 750 ml bottle of liquor per night) and the occasional heavy everyday drinker for about 8-9 years. I started drinking when I was about 15 years old with my friends but at that time it was once or twice a month or so and was not a big deal in my mind. When I turned 21 I would party with my roommates every weekend and still did not think it was a big deal. I started drinking nightly and heavily around the age of 23.
I never considered myself an addict at that time because I was still highly functioning, not drinking in the morning and could hold down a job and relationships. But I felt sick all of the time, was gaining weight rapidly, my romantic relationship was in turmoil and I was not able to save money because I kept spending it all on booze. I stopped drinking nightly and moved it to only on the weekends about 3 years ago.
I have had stints of being sober for about 4-5 months and then I would tell myself "it's okay I can do this in moderation" and that maybe works for a few days and then I'm back into my drunken ways.
I spent all day today sleeping off another hangover and I have been telling myself for the last couple of months that I am done. I will pour out the bottles and make promises to my partner and friends that I will get sober and not drink again. But as soon as the next weekend hits I find a reason to pick up another bottle. A lot of bad things have happened lately and my addict brain makes the excuse to drink because "I deserve this right now".
But the addict brain doesn't remind me of how my intoxication effects others, how it makes me post and say stupid stuff on social media and in texts to loved ones that I have to delete or apologize for the next morning, how it is has made me gain about 120+ pounds over the years, how it effects my mental and physical health in a very negative way and how the hangovers are debilitating and last up to 3 days now.
I want to get sober. Drinking is not fun anymore and has not been for a while. I want to feel better and be happier again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi rkscar 
when I quit I thought of my addicted brain as a powerful adversary - but it really wasn't that powerful, it was just well exercised
It wasn't over night but in a steady process I simply refused to cooperate with my addicted self on anything that might bring me closer to drinking again, and the non addict side of me soon replaced the bit with the faulty wiring.
you can do this - welcome!~
D
when I quit I thought of my addicted brain as a powerful adversary - but it really wasn't that powerful, it was just well exercised
It wasn't over night but in a steady process I simply refused to cooperate with my addicted self on anything that might bring me closer to drinking again, and the non addict side of me soon replaced the bit with the faulty wiring.
you can do this - welcome!~
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Welcome, and it sounds like you're ready to do this!
It's always good to have a plan in place for how you will manage with cravings and what you will do with the time when you were usually drinking. You will find lots of support here, so I hope you keep reading and posting.
It's always good to have a plan in place for how you will manage with cravings and what you will do with the time when you were usually drinking. You will find lots of support here, so I hope you keep reading and posting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Good to meet you, Rkscar. SR helped me get sober & stay that way. Talking things over every day took away my fear & dread. Everyone understands what you're going through - you're never alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Welcome sounds like your ready to pull the trigger and give sobriety a try. Use this site as part of your arsenal lots of info and support. Theres nothing you say that someone here has not been thru. We get it. Stay strong one day at a time
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Welcome to SR Rkscar! Congratulations for accepting you have a problem and taking action to change things. This is a great place to say how you are feeling and for picking up tips for - well, not picking up as we have all been in the grip of booze. Good luck!.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Dee74 
How are things rkscar?
D
D
My brain has been super focused on work and other things but I can hear that voice in the back of my mind already saying "Tomorrow's Friday! Ready to pick up some bottles tomorrow and party?"
Ughhhhh
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Ignore that voice! 
It's lying to you. Early sobriety can be rough, but what's worse is going thru it over and over. 
Repeated withdrawals get worse each time. But if you stay sober, you will start to feel better. 
It's lying to you. Early sobriety can be rough, but what's worse is going thru it over and over. 
Repeated withdrawals get worse each time. But if you stay sober, you will start to feel better. Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by Rkscar
Pretty okay today. I got some chores done and I am definitely feeling better than yesterday physically.
My brain has been super focused on work and other things but I can hear that voice in the back of my mind already saying "Tomorrow's Friday! Ready to pick up some bottles tomorrow and party?"
Ughhhhh
My brain has been super focused on work and other things but I can hear that voice in the back of my mind already saying "Tomorrow's Friday! Ready to pick up some bottles tomorrow and party?"
Ughhhhh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 3
My plan for tonight after work is to get some diet soda or sparkling water, pick up some tacos and relax. I feel like that is an okay trade-off instead of drinking.
I know the addict voice will be there but it just sucks at the moment.
How do you all strengthen your willpower and not give in?
I know the addict voice will be there but it just sucks at the moment.
How do you all strengthen your willpower and not give in?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Rkscar
My plan for tonight after work is to get some diet soda or sparkling water, pick up some tacos and relax. I feel like that is an okay trade-off instead of drinking.
I know the addict voice will be there but it just sucks at the moment.
How do you all strengthen your willpower and not give in?
I know the addict voice will be there but it just sucks at the moment.
How do you all strengthen your willpower and not give in?
Same with everything, really.
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