Beach, I had to laugh at the wiping the crap with the towel. It's so true. Sure you have the tools. Only you can decide when and how to utilize them. And don't feel pressured. Eventually the toxicity of staying will be more than your worry about where she may be going. Until then, detatch. Work on you. Do everything you can for your children. Breathe. Enjoy life a little. Stop trying to control her, she is going to do what she is going to do, regardless of what you do.