snitch

"These" people?

Wow ok.

I am one of "these" people. I am an alcoholic. I never asked to be, never aspired to be one. But for whatever reason I am one. Maybe I became one or maybe I was born one. That doesn't really matter.

I had a rock bottom so yes , some of "these" people do have them.

Did I have any sense of ethics? I am finding in sobriety that yes I do. Alcohol stripped me of my ethics when I was drinking.

Did I have any compassion for my daughter? Oh yes. I would weep the day after drinking. I would feel so awful, the worst mum in the world, I wanted someone to take her from me and look after her, I wanted so badly to never drink again I hated alcohol but low and behold I would end up with a drink in my hand again and again.

From the Big Book of AA :

An illness of this sort—and we have come to believe it an illness—involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer’s. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents—anyone can increase the list."

Thankfully I did have a rock bottom. Well a series of them culminating almost in death and I knew I had to get sober or die. I chose to get sober. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but also the best thing I have ever done. Alcohol had such a grip on me, I was completely powerless over it. It is hard to explain it to someone who doesn't have it but when the compulsion to drink came on me I felt like a vampire who needed blood to survive. I was so so sick and didn't know it. I wasn't a bad person trying to be good, I was a very very sick person trying to get well and I will always have the disease of alcoholism and I will have to fight it for the rest of my life. It is getting easier now but I still feel the magnetic pull of the poison and I have to take thi gs one day at a time. I thank AA and a spiritual solution for my recovery.

I am sorry you and your family are going through this. Alcoholism is a family illness. It corrodes everything it touches. But please try to have some compassion for your AXH after all he is a human being and a very sick one. I will keep him in my prayers tonight.