So the question really, for everyone involved, is if Grandpa or SO or Husband or Wife has integrity and truth and love hidden way way way under an addiction, does it matter?
I suppose it does in that if the "real" person is lurking under that addiction there is always hope. That's up to them though and in the interim they will continue to hurt people because those people will always be secondary.
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
"for the very existence of addiction signifies an allegiance that is at best divided and at worst -and more commonly- betrayed. For there comes a stage in every serious addiction at which the paramount attachment of the addict is to the addiction itself. Those unfortunates who attempt to preserve a human relationship to individuals in the throes of progressive addiction almost always sense their own secondary "less than" status in relation to the addiction - and despite the addict's passionate and indignant denials of this reality, they are right: the addict does indeed love his addiction more than he loves them".