^^^I don't disagree with any of that. No one held a gun to my ex's head to make him drink - he chose to do so, and than came up with endless ways to minimize or justify this really bad choice. He also had access to literally the best treatment that money could buy, thanks to our very generous benefits and being located in a city with lots of services, as well as an extremely privileged and comfortable life, compared to 99% of the people in the world.
I bring up the brain damage thing because learning more about the physical effects of alcohol on the body and brain helped to slow down the hamster wheel of "why did he do that?? why does he act like that?? what happened to the person I used to be married to??" (and in his case, severe mental illness went along with the addiction, hard to say which one was primary). Brain damage explains part of the "how" of alcoholic craziness, but not the "why". I don't mean to exonerate him. I believe he had a screwed-up mind before he screwed his brain up.