Rsanchez920

Happy to say im going on 6 days and i will definitivamente be letting my head hit the pillow tonight as im already in bed drinking tea glad i made it through the day.

These 6 days feel like weeks lol with the amount of effort needed to stay clean i guess its now my full time job like getting high and drinking was.

Was so frustrated yesterday and my ptsd was so bad that i called my connect to pick up and luckily she was not Available. That was too close for comfort. Went to a meeting today which was not the best. Ive never loved AA although it obviously works for many people. I brought my son and i got 1 or 2 things from it but im just showing up as they say so im not at home left to my owndevices, I rather be distracted and hear stories of people i can relate to hopefully.

One thing is that In the groups and on here you hear about relapse so much and people always say its just part of the journey just try again, for me it makes me feel like its okay to **** up just one night, like no big deal get back on the wagon tomorrow. I know its meant to encourage people to come back but for me its like it trivializes it like nobig deal... And when i think about using and drinking sometimes i justify it and debate it for a while since i can always **** up and start over... Must be the addict in me go figure... I truely have not regretted walking up feeling good all these days so in my heart i know i dont want to end my streak.

Needless to say its been a lot... I have a meeting tomorrow and also a sober shopping date with a friend so there is that.


Thanks for listening!!