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Old 08-15-2019, 07:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Going on 6 days now!! Rambling....


Happy to say im going on 6 days and i will definitivamente be letting my head hit the pillow tonight as im already in bed drinking tea glad i made it through the day.

These 6 days feel like weeks lol with the amount of effort needed to stay clean i guess its now my full time job like getting high and drinking was.

Was so frustrated yesterday and my ptsd was so bad that i called my connect to pick up and luckily she was not Available. That was too close for comfort. Went to a meeting today which was not the best. Ive never loved AA although it obviously works for many people. I brought my son and i got 1 or 2 things from it but im just showing up as they say so im not at home left to my owndevices, I rather be distracted and hear stories of people i can relate to hopefully.

One thing is that In the groups and on here you hear about relapse so much and people always say its just part of the journey just try again, for me it makes me feel like its okay to **** up just one night, like no big deal get back on the wagon tomorrow. I know its meant to encourage people to come back but for me its like it trivializes it like nobig deal... And when i think about using and drinking sometimes i justify it and debate it for a while since i can always **** up and start over... Must be the addict in me go figure... I truely have not regretted walking up feeling good all these days so in my heart i know i dont want to end my streak.

Needless to say its been a lot... I have a meeting tomorrow and also a sober shopping date with a friend so there is that.


Thanks for listening!!
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Old 08-15-2019, 07:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Good job on 6 days sober! Keep going, cause it gets better.
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Old 08-15-2019, 08:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Congrats rsanchez

For me relapse is a part of my addiction, not my recovery

What kind of tools do you have in place for those PTSD days ?

D
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Old 08-15-2019, 08:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi rsanchez!
Congratulations on day six. I'm so glad you made it through the day with the ptsd bothering you. Must be someone watching over you that your connect wasn't available.

I know we hear a lot about relapse here and in meetings. I was the relapse king.
I tried to stop drinking for ten years. Yes, ten years I tried to quit.
I was a chronic relapser. I got those thoughts. I felt better, I can **** up today and start over and for no discernable reason at all I ended up wasted.
Ten years.
What you're leaving out is the frustration, remorse and horrors of not being able to stop. How do you think I felt after all those days after another binge? Bad. Very bad.
A life filled with dread and misery. For ten years, but I never gave up trying to quit. And I was a bad drunk. If I wasn't drunk I was thinking about it. And, of course, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy that I would drink again.

Can you imagine the guilt and frustration I felt. The bottoms I hit. Hating myself. All because I thought, 'what the hell, one more day won't hurt.'
It did hurt. I felt, and was, powerless over the first drink.

The whole point of this post being, don't think you can simply get away with one more day of drink or drug. If you're anything like me, there's no telling when or how long that day will run into. Two days? A week? A month?
It was never one day for me.
And it never will be. I'm one drink away from a drunk.
Complacency is a users worst enemy.
I've made it six days, I've proven I can stop. Now it's time for a reward of getting buzzed. I can't tell you how many times I did this. I relapsed once after seven months. It was because I had become complacent. Stopped going to meetings and forgetting the past. That bender lasted several months.

Save yourself some misery and do as you're doing. You sound like a different person than your first post here. And you are. You're clean and sober, and that's a new feeling. Do you like it? Are you willing to go to any length to maintain it?
It takes work and you're doing a great job of it. I'm proud of you. And you should be very proud of yourself. You're accomplishing something. Something that is important, and if you're anything like me, something that may save your life.
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hmmm

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Congrats rsanchez

For me relapse is a part of my addiction, not my recovery

What kind of tools do you have in place for those PTSD days ?

D
Now that I dont know... Almost 10 years ago i was sober for 1 year and i did a lot if therapy but always ended up getting instutionalized for emotional and mental reasons. Meds dont work on me...i know i cant be in public when it happens i need to be some where safe... This is something i should find an answer to though so i dont go and drink about it
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Old 08-15-2019, 09:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Good point....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghostlight1 View Post
Hi rsanchez!
Congratulations on day six. I'm so glad you made it through the day with the ptsd bothering you. Must be someone watching over you that your connect wasn't available.

I know we hear a lot about relapse here and in meetings. I was the relapse king.
I tried to stop drinking for ten years. Yes, ten years I tried to quit.
I was a chronic relapser. I got those thoughts. I felt better, I can **** up today and start over and for no discernable reason at all I ended up wasted.
Ten years.
What you're leaving out is the frustration, remorse and horrors of not being able to stop. How do you think I felt after all those days after another binge? Bad. Very bad.
A life filled with dread and misery. For ten years, but I never gave up trying to quit. And I was a bad drunk. If I wasn't drunk I was thinking about it. And, of course, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy that I would drink again.

Can you imagine the guilt and frustration I felt. The bottoms I hit. Hating myself. All because I thought, 'what the hell, one more day won't hurt.'
It did hurt. I felt, and was, powerless over the first drink.

The whole point of this post being, don't think you can simply get away with one more day of drink or drug. If you're anything like me, there's no telling when or how long that day will run into. Two days? A week? A month?
It was never one day for me.
And it never will be. I'm one drink away from a drunk.
Complacency is a users worst enemy.
I've made it six days, I've proven I can stop. Now it's time for a reward of getting buzzed. I can't tell you how many times I did this. I relapsed once after seven months. It was because I had become complacent. Stopped going to meetings and forgetting the past. That bender lasted several months.

Save yourself some misery and do as you're doing. You sound like a different person than your first post here. And you are. You're clean and sober, and that's a new feeling. Do you like it? Are you willing to go to any length to maintain it?
It takes work and you're doing a great job of it. I'm proud of you. And you should be very proud of yourself. You're accomplishing something. Something that is important, and if you're anything like me, something that may save your life.
Thanks for the encouragement... Sounds like you would know a thing or 2 about relapse then... And the mentality behind it... Its like i want to give myself a pass maybe if i have a bad day or even like you say as a "reward".... I would assume using feels worse after having some time built up🤔

You know ive found i do like it and it feels less anxiety inducing and im more interested in others now, like i have more empathy and compasión. Cant say I like the emotional problems or that im transfering over to some secondary replacement addictions but overall damage has been less this way... I love knowing im walking up feeling good.
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Old 08-16-2019, 07:44 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hello and cool points on six days. That means you should of passed the hurdle of withdrawals awesome. Now just focus on putting in the work. As for talk about relapse for me I dont have any relapses left in me feel me. So now I just take it one day at a time. Thats it. And I'll be darn I'm at 104 days my friend. And you will be there too. ......if you keep coming back
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Old 08-16-2019, 10:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
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:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoberRican View Post
Hello and cool points on six days. That means you should of passed the hurdle of withdrawals awesome. Now just focus on putting in the work. As for talk about relapse for me I dont have any relapses left in me feel me. So now I just take it one day at a time. Thats it. And I'll be darn I'm at 104 days my friend. And you will be there too. ......if you keep coming back


Thanks sober rican... Just got out of a meeting... Taking it minute by minute
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Old 08-16-2019, 11:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Great job on 6 days!

Relapse isn't ok but it does sadly sometimes happen. People then need encouragement and support. I know I did otherwise I wouldn't of come back. I was far to delicate for anything else.

Anyway don't relapse and you won't have a problem.

Tomorrow will be 1 week then 2 3 4 ~ 1 month.......1 year. Keep going.
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Old 08-16-2019, 01:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Relapse doesnt have to be part of your recovery. But unfortunately people do relapse so therefore it does becomes part of their recovery. Personally I do not think I will make it back from a relapse as it was a miracle I survived my last drunk. Even if I relapsed and lived I believe I will be dead mentally and spiritually if not physically so I will keep doing whatever it takes , one day at a time, to not pick up a drink. For me, to drink is to die.

You are doing really well. !!
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