Ok, so the therapist. First off, I've been dying to tell you that my best friend calls him Daniel Tiger. This is because, well first off his name is Daniel. But when speaking with my friend, I described this very gentle man who speaks in a consistently soothing tone, something like Daniel Tiger from Mr Rogers Neighborhood. From that day forward, she has always referred to him as Daniel Tiger. I've never told him that. Perhaps one day, like if we ever finish therapy. (I watched some episodes of that show on youtube later and that was one way out there show. I guess it was the era. Also, they sound not at all the same. Nevertheless...)
One of the things we talked about yesterday is how I fear this absence will damage my street cred at work. Here I was leading several major projects, and now I'm likely to fall off the planet for a month or more. I've convinced myself that my job is most probably not in jeopardy as I've "only" one verbal warning on file. But how likely is it that I'll have the chance to lead up any high profile project anytime in the foreseeable future? Not very.
We all know that I take great pride in my work and I assure you that I've been held in very high regard. This is the area in my life where I feel most confident - it's been my primary source of satisfaction and self-worth. So... if I lose that superstar status, then what?
Then that leaves what is logically the best thing for me, to pivot and work on creating a satisfying life for myself. Daniel Tiger says, "How does that make you feel?" Good long pause while I rummage through the closet for a feeling... "Intimidated." He says, "That instinctively sounds true to me, but what do you mean?" "I mean, it means I need to change almost every single thing about how I go about living. It means stretching in every direction, and all of them are uncomfortable."
I think it needs to be done, and you know I've started. So now I need to shower to go to what used to be my favorite meeting but is totally intimidating today because I'm going to be making at least my third reappearance from underground. "Hi! Great to see you O! (let's just see if she sticks around this time)"