Ok it has to end because I'm about to make th decision for them. Now I'm relapsing into my eating disorder and this is going to stop TODAY.

It shouldn't be this hard. And, like I said, if it is, I will make the decision for them. I cannot live in limbo indefinitely. I can't take this anymore. They need to just tell me and be done with it. I'm fully prepared to just serve food until something else comes up. I can't live like this.