I suffered through what ever it is called coming off about 40 years plus of drinking. It left my mind in a damaged state.
Brain damage.
I say the same things here it seems because they got me through and I feel like there are folks that get through using them.
Nothing is my idea, everything I say is a regurgitation of assimilated info.
They only way I got through this clean, so far, was suffering. That suffering hurt like hell on earth. I prayed in tears for help sometimes. Still do.
I am at a stage where some folks almost resent me for quitting. Life long friends rationalize that they can't hang around me or risk me slipping. It is a sad result, but one I accept.
The freedom of booze being out of my life forever is like a badge of honor that I will never relinquish.
Sr had taught me well. I look forward to the day I can say I have been 10 years, 20 years, 30 years and beyond clean. Floundering in the depths of active addiction was something I did when I didn't know any better.
Understanding that as an ex active drunk, I will crave for the rest of my life is now part of me.
I relate it now to loving someone and losing them. The pain started out so bad. Now it is a periodic low grade sadness that I deal with.
I recently saw a show where the star spoke of their medical depression. They had been depressed for decades. They spoke of it like a hand that pulls them down. They say it comes and goes. It always comes back, but always goes away.
I related well to this. My addiction has strong ties to my emotions. My analysis is my defense.
Thanks for the therapy.