LookingBusy, I understand that you want to see any little step, no matter how small, as progress on his part. I remember feeling that way about my AXH. He would tell me about how much "better" he was doing now than he was before and I was supposed to be proud and praise him and just be glad it wasn't as bad as "before". It was a slippery slope... it ALWAYS ramped back up to as bad as "before" and often times got worse. Not just his drinking but my reactions to it as well. He was the drinker but we were both very sick.
Some people here don't like the label of "codependent". I KNOW that *I* was a raging codie. I didn't just get on that train to crazy town, I was driving it. I drove myself nuts minimalizing his bad behavior, accepting unacceptable things, trying to figure out ways to control, stop and/or hide his drinking. Trying to understand WHY??? ...
The only answer for them doing what they do is : alcoholism.
Thinking that anything we say or do can or will influence their drinking is flawed thinking on our part. Of course we want to help someone we love, that's natural, but when it comes to alcoholism, we can't help them. We can support their efforts to become sober, but we can not control the outcome.
His drunk behavior is affecting your life in so many negative ways. Not just at home, but everywhere, and every aspect of your life. How much of your day is spent worrying about his alcoholism and the chaos it creates? A whole lot of your energy, if not most of it, is being spent on something you can't control. It's so heavy and it's so exhausting. I remember it well.
I hope you reach out to all avenues of support. Alanon is absolutely available in Canada ( I'm originally from Canada) meetings can be found in even very small towns. There are other options for support as well. I'd love to see you turn the energy you are spending on his issues on yourself and what's healthy for you instead.
I'm glad you are here talking to us LB, I hope you stick around. Have you read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? You don't have to identify as codependent to learn some very valuable things from that book. It changed my life.
*hug*