I apologize for only posting my own perspectives on this board so far and not responding to others yet. I want to get to a point where I feel confident to give others advice and support but I am not sure of the right course for myself right now. i am very thankful to have met this group and read the stories. The logical part of my brain knows that things are never my fault but there is reassurance in hearing the similarities in other people’s stories. As sad as that might be.

I am at a precipice right now. Tuesday my boyfriend has his first appointment with the addiction centre. They talk about his goals (moderation vs abstinence etc), set him up with a peer mentor and do counselling sessions every other week. He’s actually been doing really well in the past few weeks. No issues since my first post. That is until I went away for the weekend. I am an international athlete so at times I fly out for tournaments for a few days.

I was gone for four days this time. He was great on Thursday. Had a couple drinks that night it’s friends but only beer and went home early. Friday he seemed fine. Saturday night he went out to watch a friend play at a bar and got wasted. Today he is a mess. I’m sitting in the airport trying to keep myself together because I know he won’t be able to pick me up later tonight as promised. I called during my layover and he went through the normal emotional. “Trust me, I will be fine to get you in five hours” to complete sadness to anger to that anger turning on me. He used to be part of the tournaments I am in but has since gotten in fights with the key people in the sport (partly due to drinking and partly not). I know it upsets him that I am there and he is not. And I know it is hard for him to be alone without me there.

I am trying to remind myself that this is still better than normal. He had several weeks of being sober. He has not gone full angry A-hole yet and he didn’t drive drunk at all. He was smart enough to leave the car(my car) at the bar and get a cab home.

He also has his first appt on Tuesday. Another plus.

But this incident today is still an issue. And it sucks. I can’t rely on him for simple things. Like picking me up from the airport. I can’t rely on him to stay strong without me. He even drunk texts the organizers of the tournament while I am there. And of course that is horribly embarrassing and detrimental to my place in the sport. They turn to me and say “is he drunk texting me again”. They simply won’t have me come to events anymore if this happens every time.

But two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward, right?

I am trying to stay positive. He WANTS to change. His ACTIONS have shown progress - making the appt with the addiction centre, being sober for several weeks, etc.

Is it a a good thing that he can keep it together while I am there with him? Or is that just codependency?

I guess i am I am asking for perspective. I am trying very hard to put my emotions aside and see this for what it really is.

The addiction centre also offers counselling for partners of alcoholics. I am debating starting that for myself. I am not sure I would benefit from the al-anon meetings. I don’t think the group setting works for me. But then again I don’t know for sure. Has anyone had experience with PARC or ADAPT (Ontario) or a similar addiction centre?

Thanks again for listening. I appreciate all the help.