Recovery is a difficult transition in a relationship for so many reasons.
You are on the right path with your own recovery though
My RAH
(9 months) is very involved in AA and I in alanon. I don't discuss much
with him about his struggles and I see how much better it is for him to
bring it to meetings or his sponsor. I detached in the beginning and
used the medium chill technique. I have come to believe the "poor
me" is just a facet of the "look at me, look at me" and all the chaos
and drama alcoholics seems to require in their lives- and need to
let go of. The folks at his meetings will cut through that cr-- much
better than I ever could or would want to. The same way I can
cut through my cr-- at alanon.