Hello!
I've just joined so I thought I should explain my situation and where I'm up to.
I dabbled with various medications and drugs in teens. Obvious at 26 - I was alcoholic. Took till I was 41/42 to "finally" stop. Just gone 8 years no alcohol. In the last few months I've had the odd drink here and there... BUT I am under no illusions. I know how crazily dangerous this is.
3 years into my non alcohol period I was prescribed opiate painkillers which I became addicted to.
That would be quite unfortunate had it been such an innocent affair, but I knew fine well - as the doctor was doing the prescription that I was letting myself in for a whole heap of trouble. In fact, being honest about it a good percentage of my reasoning was that my pain will be helped AND I would cop a good buzz.
Since then my physical issues have got worse and I've had to take stronger and stronger meds'. And I've tried everything I could get my hands on.
I decided I could not stop at one point and they sent me to the drug clinic and I ended up on Buprenorphine.
I'm now right down almost off of opiates. I'm taking an extended release pill that has no 'happy feeling' attached but I intend to stop that also. From today.
But doesn't nature hate a vacuum!? I've began dabbling in cocaine. A few months only and only a few occasions. The really bad thing is the next day I really wanted a beer. So on just couple of ocassions now, I have done so. "One offs" - but it's really put the wind up me after the years of utter torment and torture I went through to get stopped in the first place!?
90% of the time I'm OK, but about 4pm all my resolve disappears and whatever that day's 'thirst' us, totally takes over. I have nothing... I can barely bring to mind any sense or decent reasoning to prevent myself from carrying out my substance abuse.
I went to meetings for 10 years and would regularly leave them just to go and drink. My issue - not the fault of the meetings.
FOR ME it wasn't until I began sharing on an online forum that things began to change. That was when I finally managed to stop the alcohol.
So that's me. I'm not physically addicted to alcohol right now (and I don't want to be). I have a mild opiate addiction which I feel ready to stop. Cocaine is just a pain in the buttocks but the one I have to really watch.
As long as I come on here a few times a day, reading and posting. Keep up my meditation practice and study. And involve my family - really keep them in the loop and accept thier support, I will have a fighting chance.
If you have taken time to read this, you have already helped start my ball rolling
just a day at a time.
Thanks!
P. S I am never usually so long winded lol