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Introduction - Hi folks

Old 07-25-2019, 06:16 PM
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Introduction - Hi folks

Hello!

I've just joined so I thought I should explain my situation and where I'm up to.

I dabbled with various medications and drugs in teens. Obvious at 26 - I was alcoholic. Took till I was 41/42 to "finally" stop. Just gone 8 years no alcohol. In the last few months I've had the odd drink here and there... BUT I am under no illusions. I know how crazily dangerous this is.

3 years into my non alcohol period I was prescribed opiate painkillers which I became addicted to.

That would be quite unfortunate had it been such an innocent affair, but I knew fine well - as the doctor was doing the prescription that I was letting myself in for a whole heap of trouble. In fact, being honest about it a good percentage of my reasoning was that my pain will be helped AND I would cop a good buzz.

Since then my physical issues have got worse and I've had to take stronger and stronger meds'. And I've tried everything I could get my hands on.

I decided I could not stop at one point and they sent me to the drug clinic and I ended up on Buprenorphine.

I'm now right down almost off of opiates. I'm taking an extended release pill that has no 'happy feeling' attached but I intend to stop that also. From today.

But doesn't nature hate a vacuum!? I've began dabbling in cocaine. A few months only and only a few occasions. The really bad thing is the next day I really wanted a beer. So on just couple of ocassions now, I have done so. "One offs" - but it's really put the wind up me after the years of utter torment and torture I went through to get stopped in the first place!?

90% of the time I'm OK, but about 4pm all my resolve disappears and whatever that day's 'thirst' us, totally takes over. I have nothing... I can barely bring to mind any sense or decent reasoning to prevent myself from carrying out my substance abuse.

I went to meetings for 10 years and would regularly leave them just to go and drink. My issue - not the fault of the meetings.

FOR ME it wasn't until I began sharing on an online forum that things began to change. That was when I finally managed to stop the alcohol.

So that's me. I'm not physically addicted to alcohol right now (and I don't want to be). I have a mild opiate addiction which I feel ready to stop. Cocaine is just a pain in the buttocks but the one I have to really watch.

As long as I come on here a few times a day, reading and posting. Keep up my meditation practice and study. And involve my family - really keep them in the loop and accept thier support, I will have a fighting chance.

If you have taken time to read this, you have already helped start my ball rolling just a day at a time.

Thanks!

P. S I am never usually so long winded lol

Last edited by Dreamwithin; 07-25-2019 at 06:24 PM. Reason: Grammar...
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Old 07-25-2019, 06:25 PM
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Wondering what is keeping you "stuck" or if you know what is keeping you stuck? You keep stopping various substances..but then messing with "different" ones.

I think what you are searching for is to be content in your own skin without a substance..and that of course means taking a leap and being totally sober.

If you are not at "dangerous" or "high" levels of any drug....than I would..if I were you make a date where I would say goodbye to all of it....Up until the time the "date" was upon me...I would tell myself daily....I have had enough in my lifetime...Its time for me to live life...instead of run from it...continue to tell yourself that you can conquer addiction....

Because what you are really craving is sobriety...Being sober is such a "different high" in itself....A much more enjoyable high.
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Old 07-25-2019, 06:43 PM
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Welcome, and I find this message board a great support, too.

It does seem that, maybe, you could question the underlying issues that are leading you to various addictions. I know had a lot of stuff I had to deal with and work on when I stopped drinking.

I'm glad you plan on reading and posting here because I think you will always find inspiration.
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Old 07-25-2019, 06:53 PM
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Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support and good ideas here.
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Old 07-25-2019, 07:15 PM
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Hello and welcome from another poly-drug abuser. Notice I didn't say user.
I've done every category of drug known in my life time.
But alcohol was always involved. That was a constant no matter what other drug I was abusing.
I've been sober ten and a half years and have eliminated the recreational drugs long ago, too.
You'll find a lot of support on this board from nonjudgmental people who understand.
So, yeah, stick around. Read and post. I'm glad you're here.
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Old 07-25-2019, 10:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Welcome, and I find this message board a great support, too.

It does seem that, maybe, you could question the underlying issues that are leading you to various addictions. I know had a lot of stuff I had to deal with and work on when I stopped drinking.

I'm glad you plan on reading and posting here because I think you will always find inspiration.

Hi There... Thanks for the reply (and welcomes from the others also.)

There was a time when I was searching for... Something? Some hit that would be magical. Blow my socks off. E was fun for a while when I was younger. But I've realised now that there is no magical 60's hit that has you lying back on a bean - bag surrounded by flashing ��.

It seems really stupid. Really really stupid, but I have certainly been partially motivated by things I read - I am or should I say was a fan of Irvine Welsh. Almost all of his books have scenarios involving drug taking. It waz his description of someone's first ECSTASY experience that motivated me to try it. Same for opiates, but thankfully I never got to heroin.

I did say it was really stupid.

I had a very productive year in CBT where we got to the root cause of my feeling a need for something to offer comfort to my troubled mind, if you like. Knowing WHY helps. And it was from thst point I changed from an active user to actively trying to STOP.

I just haven't done very well on my own.

I don't know why I didn't rejoin sooner? Perhaps I wasn't quite as ready as I tbought.

NOW is definitely my time. I have really had enough. And I see my slow deterioration (even whilst trying to be abstinent) moving closer to a steep precipice.

Now is my time.

Thanks again for Taking the time to reply. I know we help ourselves by helping others. But it still impresses me greatly how fellow sufferers go out of thier way to offer a hand.

Last edited by Dreamwithin; 07-25-2019 at 10:57 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 07-25-2019, 11:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Ghostlight1 View Post
Hello and welcome from another poly-drug abuser. Notice I didn't say user.
I've done every category of drug known in my life time.
But alcohol was always involved. That was a constant no matter what other drug I was abusing.
Thank you Ghostlight!

I was concerned that any mention of drugs. May be off-putting for your strictly alcohol only members.

Polydrug abuser is a good description. It really was a mish-mash of everything and anything. One ends up like an amateur chemist, dosages, what substances potentiate your DOC for that evening. I would have stuck anything in my mouth, up my hooter or Dilute it with warm water and do the sideways bum-skoosh. I've taken pills I've found on the ground. I knew what they were due to packaging but really they could have been anything. Pills dropped in the toilet (A non-intentional echo of Trainspotting) and in a dirty mop-bucket I've given a quick wash and taken.

I can't believe I'm admitting this, because it's the kind of thing I've never re-hashed in my own mind. It happened and I pushed it under the carpet. Now to see it in writing is horrificly - disgusting.
So dangerous.

There's one other thing I can't bring myself to write but you get the gist.

Things got out of hand - and I didn't think I was that bad.

Anyway. Enough rolling about in the detritus of too many years' bad decisions.

Recovery has begun.

Thanks again.

P. S I don't mean to imply that the term "Polydrug user' paints you with the same brush as me.
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Old 07-25-2019, 11:50 PM
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Hi and welcome dreamwithin

There are all kinds of members here, some alcoholic, some other drugs, some both, as well as the loved ones and families of the addicted.

You're sure to find people who understand and empathise with your situation here.

SR helped me turn my life around - I was terrified of having no safety net - the support here really helped me get through that peoopd.

I know we can help you change your life for the better

D
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Old 07-26-2019, 12:07 AM
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Welcome Dream,

This place has become one of my nightly rituals, I need to check in here with friends and let me family know I am ok.
It is so comforting to know that at ANY time I can log on and start typing away and someone will reply with nonjudgemental words of encouragement.

Keep coming back, it works!
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