Originally Posted by trailmix

And maybe you are actually giving to him although you may not have thought about that.

By staying, by propping him up, by standing by him (yet criticizing his life choices) it's hurting him too.

This break/divorce might just be the thing that shakes him up enough to seek help. Now, it might not, that is 100 percent his choice. The only thing you know for an absolute fact is that what you are doing is not working.

Not working for you, not working for him. He is not getting sober and you are miserable (so is he).

So no, I wouldn't overly concern myself with what he is up to, but you are actually doing the right thing for both of you don't you think? It hurts! But he is not dying, he is moving out, if he straightens up and can be a sober guy, responsible, kind and loving then you might want to let him back in to your life.

For now, just getting out of this is the best thing you can do in my opinion.

I was married for quite a while to an emotional abuser (who was also physically abusive early on). Nothing changed. Nothing. I was yelled at for YEARS. Argument after argument. Eventually I had had enough and ended it.

Did he change, did he run to anger management and - no. He is still the same angry person he always was (and always will be). I on the other hand don't have to argue anymore, don't have anyone yell at me (I don't allow it). Ahh peace reigns.