When A's push our buttons, it is not to get at US, it is to protect their drinking.
They want/need to keep drinking so will do or say whatever is needed to allow them to continue doing so.
None of it is personal. Which sounds strange as the verbal attacks are using very personal information about us.
They would be doing and saying the same things regardless of who they are in a relationship with. The only time they can lay off is when they are in a relationship with such an enabler that the enabler helps them continue drinking but often even the enabler will be turned against at some point.
It is an insane and horrible disease for both them with it and those around them.
My AH is dying of it at this time. So very sad.