Once again I figured how I still delude myself at times with seeing this relationship with rose coloured glasses and as with much more potential than was actually there-obviously. And someone said recently how addicts cant indeed be neither reliable and decent partners, NOR even good friends. As friendship also requires certain amount of accountability, for that matter. Having said that- I am slowly leaving all those hopes and illusions behind ,and giving up on pretty much everything I was building my life around in the last couple of years. Which is a painful and slow process indeed, as I honestly wished to spend the rest of my life with this man. Besides, as someone wrote on the internet-i am such person that everything i ever left behind has claw marks on it. Meaning, Im not easy to get into a relationship, but once I do, I am there for the long ride...all the more painful for me so.