trailmix indeed, I should go no contact again, and I am starting today. For I figured,it wont get better as I was hoping all this time somehow. As some people DO seek help when their partners leave. But I am learning now that he is not even near of thinking along those lines. Especially because his whole surroundings is very tolerant of drinking also, so if he would drop it altogether, he would have to change his whole identity (literally). Which is all sad to begin with, as I do believe this is not WHO anyone is, but their illness takes the best of them and so they start to believe this is who they are or even HAVE TO BE-to survive, to keep their frienships too even (in this case)....